Enjoying life and food

Can we just talk about how much I am loving life at the moment?

Seriously. Loving. It.

There's still school and stress and bad things that happen, but I'm in the mood to just forget my worries and enjoy all of the things good in the world right now. Live in the moment.

I think it's the combination of breezy September air and also my newfound love for food.

Yummy lunch!

Wait what?
Ok so I'll admit (and I'm sure many other health/fitness bloggers will admit the same) that I have both a positive and negative relationship with food.

I enjoy filling my body up with wholesome, healthy, nutritious, and delicious foods. However, I almost always feel a pang of guilt after every time I eat a big meal. (And by big, I mean normal sized...)

For me, I'm much happier eating a meal that I know is too small for me. Anyone else feel this way?

I am satisfied knowing that eating a smaller meal means less calories for the day, and this helps me accomplish the twisted goal/competition I have with myself.
Less calories=good day ----> That basically sums up how I think. Or used to think. I'm not really sure.

But recently I have been trying to escape that terrible mindset.
I (all of us girls) need to stop always trying to be on a diet. I (we) need to just love our bodies for the way they are! I'm tired of constantly trying to figure out if I have overeaten/undereaten my calorie amount for the day, and I'm tired of always trying to recall every snack I eat during the day and doing all of the calorie math in my head!

No more. I'm fed up. (Pun intended)

All of us teenage girls need to stop caring about what others think and simply love ourselves for the way we were made. So what if my thighs touch? Constantly overanalyzing every calorie I eat is not going to solve my problem, and it's just going to make me more paranoid.

As hard of a struggle as it is, I think I have been doing well. I have been aiming to eat filling, structured meals that are nutritious, colorful, and tasty. I've noticed that I am actually ENJOYING the food I'm eating rather than counting every bite and calorie on my plate.

Avocado and tomato on raisin walnut toast
&
Avocado, zucchini, carrots on whole wheat toast

Not to say there aren't ups and downs... last night my mom and I made a vegetable roasted dish, and I had to clench my teeth when I saw her add olive oil into the dish.
I so desperately wanted to grab the bottle away from her and tell her to stop fattening me up!!!

Unflattering picture of momma cookin' in the kitch!

But I took a deep breath and said to myself (and I literally said these exact words in my head) let it go Emily, oils are good for your brain, body, and skin. It will make the meal taste better, and olive oil is healthy. 

As hard as it was to see my meal get loaded with more calories, I stopped myself from thinking negatively. Instead of thinking "omg she just added another 300 calories to the meal!" I thought "Oh yummy, olive oil is healthy!"

My breakfast! Finished up my last banana protein muffin :(
Also, yogurt with walnuts, grapes, melon, and cinnamon sugar!

By thinking of food as part of life and enjoyment, I realize that I am becoming happier overall!

How do you all feel about your relationship with food? Is it good? Bad?

I know that my relationship is slowly improving from where it used to be. I used to count every single ittybitty calorie I ate. Now, I'm trying to just eat more of the right foods in moderation.

What about you?